My Story

I was born in 1974 in Durham, North Carolina. I moved to Anchorage, Alaska when I was very young, and went to school there before getting an undergraduate degree at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks. Then I moved back to North Carolina, where my family still lived, and began my career in IT. (Don’t worry, I’ll talk more about all of these phases in my life later.)

I’ve been married three times but will likely never do so again. They had their share of good and bad times. I’m currently happily involved in a non-monogamous but still very committed relationship. With only one woman, at the moment.

I’ve been blessed to have lots of children: one son from my first marriage, who’s 24 now; two step-sons I legally adopted from my second marriage, now 30 and 24 (13 and 7 when I adopted them); two more from my third marriage, now 13 and 12. I had a successful vasectomy in 2018, so I think I’m done at this point. (The vasectomy was a WHOLE experience, but I may blog about that later.)

In 2012, my software development career led me to transfer to Europe, where I live now, and that has given me a very different perspective on my home country. I still very much agree with the IDEALS of the American founding fathers (even if some of their actions and decisions were, in a word, shitty) but I also have had an opportunity to see how other countries do things differently than America. I think the good old USA could learn a lot from how other countries approach transportation, voting, sanitation, democracy, and a whole host of other things. I like to think about the preamble to the Constitution of the United States, where the authors wrote “in Order to form a more perfect Union”. That clearly states, in my mind, that they did not think they were establishing a PERFECT UNION — only, more perfect than what had come before. There’s still room to grow and improve.

I’m 50 years old (for the next few months, at least), and with age comes a host of health issues. I’m a type 2 diabetic, thankfully still healthy after 20 years of my diagnosis. I have sleep apnea, so I use a CPAP machine to sleep without snoring everyone awake. I take a variety of pills and injections on a daily basis, as I imagine most anyone my age does. I’ve dealt with both burnout and depression, and have felt suicidal at times during my life. I have also been both a victim and perpetrator of sexual abuse (of which I will speak in more detail in the future.)

Politically, I’ve always been more liberal and, consequently, have voted for Democratic candidates in every election since I turned 18. My roots, though, are from small town North Carolina (Chapel Hill and Lexington) and Alaska, where every town is a small town. I definitely understand that the trend towards urbanization has left many small American towns suffering and I think many Americans are rightfully angry about that. I just don’t agree with the politicians on the other side, who I think pander to certain groups and then abandon them once they’ve claimed power.

My hobbies and interests tend towards the geeky side. Most science fiction, fantasy or super hero stories catch my attention. I don’t have a ton of time for video gaming now (except on my mobile phone), but I’ve loved it in the past. Role-playing, board, and card games all have special places in my heart. Musically, grunge claimed me in the early 90s and has never let go, though I appreciate a wide variety of music genres now.

I’ve been in therapy for a decade now, sometimes on a weekly basis. I strongly encourage it for, well, everyone. Life leaves none of us unscarred. I also read a variety of books on self-help and alternative lifestyles. As a child of two social worker parents (well, mother and step-father, at least), I was given a solid basis of belief in the power of counselling and therapy. The way my parents spoke to me as a kid has informed my communication styles, and led me to follow in their footsteps and get a degree in Social Work.

Oh, I should note that I’m unemployed right now, for the longest period in my life. That has been really hard. Fortunately, the unemployment system I’m in is very good and I still have some time left before I lose my benefits. It does feel wrong not to be working, though.

So that’s me, in a nutshell. In my next post, I’ll start talking about my life in more detail.