The Emotional Health of Men

I’m frankly worried about the emotional and mental health of men. I’d like to say “lately”, but I think this has always been a problem, as long as I’ve been aware. As I’ve grown older (and been in therapy longer), I’ve realized how much my childhood has fucked me up. Neglectful father, sexual abuse, conflict in a blended household — even with a very loving and empathic mother, those are bound to leave some scars on my soul. (NB: I don’t believe in a “soul” in a religious context, I only use it here to describe the innate self that our consciousness exists as.)

I’ve had success talking through a lot of these points in therapy, and that has allowed me to unburden myself and be seen and recognized for the difficult things that happened to me. That started me on a healing path, which I am still on today and may always be. But I still struggle to share those things to some of my closest friends.

Why? It’s not like I have any reason to feel shame for things that were done to me, but men just don’t talk very often on a deep personal level with each other. I can’t think of a single male family member that I could discuss those things with, though I’d feel very comfortable sharing to some of the women. Why is that?

Perhaps some of it is the fact that men, as a group in general, use a lot of caustic humor amongst themselves. Where do you think “Your Momma” jokes came from? (Maybe not William Shakespeare, but he’s got the first popular zinger.) Men are always making wisecracks with each other, on a varying scale between teasingly and bitingly. So it’s understandable that men are loathe to bare their souls to each other, when a comment about our personal feelings is likely to encounter a “that’s what she said!” riposte.

I’d be happy to hear from any male readers about experiences they had sharing their feelings with other men. (Female readers: I *know* you have experiences trying to share with men and not being understood. Let’s save that for another post.) Have you had success? Have you been mocked or shut down? What can we do better?