Kenough

It’s finally warmed up enough that I could break out my Kenough hoodie. (Ignore the obvious battle wounds — I tripped over a dog and faceplanted on a driveway, but nothing’s broken and I’ll be fine.)

It always helps when the weather is nice, and I’ve been freshly therapized today, but I’m certainly feeling more Kenough than I did last time I wore this hoodie. For way too long, I’ve shouldered blame and low self esteem and what I call “toxic humility” (but really, just a belief that I didn’t deserve love).

I’m still a work in progress, and I imagine I probably always will be. 50 years of shitty programming will probably take the rest of my life to undo. (I expect to be finally fixed after another 50 years, if I’m lucky enough to be given them.)

But you know what? It wasn’t my fault that my dad didn’t love me enough, or that my stepbrother abused me, or that my first wife died (spoilers!). Those are shames I’ve carried for way too long. I’m not going to be responsible for those shitty things that happened to me.

I’m good enough to deserve love. I’m good enough to have deserved protection from my abuse. I’m strong enough to survive the griefs I’ve endured. and what’s more — I have survived all those things and still believe in hope, love, and the innate goodness in all of us.

I’m enough. I’m not going to give up. And the right people will recognize that in me and respond to it.